Arsene Wenger's bare thighs, Carles Puyol doing pelvic thrusts and Avram Grant dressed as a Playboy Bunny - none of these are in the DNA of the beautiful game.
But, if you just can't help yourself, you can see all of these saucy images in the 2014 Sexy Football Calendar.
It's been a big year for Sir Alex Ferguson. The Manchester United manager signed-off with one final Premier League trophy before being given the freedom of the Borough of Trafford. But does that mean he can sneak into the Old Trafford changing rooms late at night? If he could, perhaps he would strip down, stick on a rodeo hat and pretend he was Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise. Can't picture it? Here you go...
Chelsea mansion: Roman Abramovich makes a good Hugh Heffner alongside his team of Blues manager Playboy Bunnies
And spare a thought for Puyol, what a frustrating few
months he's had battling back from a knee injury. The legendary
Barcelona defender has gone through endless rehabilitation away from his
team-mates, but has he ever been tempted to don a pair of leg warmers
and a crop top, Flashdance style?
Sepp Blatter's dealings have been brought in to the question in the
past, but what does the FIFA president get up to when he has the house
to himself for a weekend? Hopefully he doesn't take off his trousers and
waltz around the house to the tune of Old Time Rock and Roll. Or maybe
he does...Finally there's Michel Platini, Mr UEFA. If you could turn back time, you probably would rather not have seen this. The Frenchman doesn't really suit leathers. Though nor did Cher, really.
Strike a pose: Carles Puyol dons his leg warmers and crop top, Flashdance style
Old Time Rock and Roll: Is this what Sepp Blatter would get up to if he had the place to himself for the weekend?
Hello sailor! UEFA president Michel Platini performs 'If I could turn back time' by Cher
The subjects may be unhappy to hear that the artist does
not consider himself a caricaturist. Instead he tries to 'catch the
essence of the person's character.'
'I usually draw them from photographs,' artist Jamie Husbands told The Wharf. 'Because people don't usually get up close to these sports stars it was important to ensure they are recognisable, so they have to be good likenesses.'
'I usually draw them from photographs,' artist Jamie Husbands told The Wharf. 'Because people don't usually get up close to these sports stars it was important to ensure they are recognisable, so they have to be good likenesses.'
Enough to blow your hat off: Sir Alex Ferguson may be no Brad Pitt but he strikes a good Thelma and Louise pose
Brothers in arms: Gary and Phill Neville show that they are sporting all rounders with a Torville and Dean rendition
Then there's the old enemy, Arsenal. It's reaching the time of year when Wenger dons his trusty giant coat. But would it stand the test of the subway, or would there be a Marilyn Monroe moment in The Seven Year Itch? One thing that is certain, Thierry Henry would scrub up alright as Frank Sinatra...
A short hop across London takes you to Chelsea, where Roman Abramovich resides. The Russian billionaire is not usually seen in a Hugh Heffner dressing gown, but he does get through his fair share of managers. Roberto Di Matteo might just be able to squeeze into a Playboy Bunny outfit, but it's not so fetching on Carlo Ancelotti.
French fancy: Arsene Wenger struggled to hold down his coat in a Marilyn Monroe moment as Thierry Henry looks on
